What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 00:39
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
When she asked me how she looked .
Comes on , in middle age.
Can you show your wet and dripping pussy?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Oldest depiction of the Milky Way galaxy discovered in an Egyptian sarcophagus - Earth.com
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And i lived it daily.
She found it foreign!.
South Korea’s Venus-focused cubesat advances as larger missions face NASA cuts - SpaceNews
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Has any man licked his wife's vagina while another man had sex with her?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Why do some men like anal sex?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
This is soul school!.
I write beautiful poetry .
How to watch Apple’s WWDC keynote with iOS 26 and more - 9to5Mac
I was very sick at this time too.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Market's Slide Broadens in Afternoon Trading - Barron's
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
We were not on the streets..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Ive learnt so much.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
The One Habit an Oncologist Recommends Everyone Add by Age 40 - Eat This Not That
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Would this be the day?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
What are the most shocking facts about the Bollywood industry?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My family never makes their pension either.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
So, i spoilt her more .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I could never make a relationship work though!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Put me off passion for life!!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was 9 years of age.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She married twice! .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I was seconnd youngest,
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I couldn’t, believe it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Who then, do I blame.?
I waited trembling.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I said to her
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
All the time i was locked up.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He knew the spot.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
One cannot live in the past .
But it wasn’t much.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My life is so biszare .
I have no regrets .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Why did i forgive my father ?
So whats the point in blame.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I will be 64.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
What did i know ?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But, we were locked up after school.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
(And it was in our own minds.)
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I think the readers, may guess!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I don,t even have a pension.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She loved him until the end.
We all went to grammer schools
I never cut or harmed myself..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As i do to all so called friends.?
It was going to be , some day.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was scared of men, in general
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She was in good health!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She wouldn,t have been !
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Im still living with it.